So, as I have expressed to some people, I think I am going to be a very crazy old person. It is just predetermined.

One of the reasons I think this is because of my Granny. She is pretty damn crazy (in the good way) but never the less crazy. It's sad actually, I hold a lot of hostility towards her and we're running out of time to make amends. I'm not quite sure what to do about it. She may be crazy and controlling but she is my Granny and she gave birth to the person who gave birth to me. She was also the person who I was with for like 90% of my childhood, but when I was able to start thinking for myself things went south. At this point I'm not sure if anything would make a difference. Currently she has alzheimer's disease so I don't know how much longer she will be able to remember me. Right now, I don't know if she knows we don't get along well. I don't even know if she knows that I am a teenager and not a little girl anymore. Actually taking the time to think about this, it really saddens me. How would it feel to one day wake up and not recognize your daughter, to not even know you had a child.

I don't know if I can handle this when I'm older. Granted my Granny likes messing with people so she does make things harder to differ from alzheimer's or her just playing around. Sometimes it's very evident, when she gets a blank look in her eyes, it's like looking at a doll. She also doesn't eat very well so her blood pressure is high and her body is giving out. That is one thing I know I couldn't deal with. I couldn't be restrained from movement. I honestly hope we make amends before it is too late, she is a good person, she may be lost and unorthodox, but she is still my Granny.