Beta Reading

1.Does dialogue contribute to or take away from the story?
The dialogue is fine. If anything it helps the reader have more insight to who the characters and what their relationships are to other characters. When this history was incorporated during the lake side scene it added a lot to Adrians motivations, but was somewhat unclear. One criticism I have is that it seems that you-the autor is trying extremely hard to incorporate pop culture into your story. Write about what you feel is right, not what you expect your audience to want.

2.Is Adrian's explanation of Filipino folklore interesting? Why or why not?
I found that Adrian's explanation was very interesting. I wasn't clear if he was talking about his family history, Filipino history, or a combination. If all of what was incorporated into the story was true then Filipino folklore is very interesting and it would be nice to have random tidbits of Filipino history and folklore thrown in.

3.Is Dorothy's reaction realistic?
Dorothy originally seemed to be kind of a strange high schooler with very limited social skill so the fact she responded "normally" to Adrian's stories made her character complex. It also made it unclear what her social experience was, the fact that she had such limited interactions with males-especially with men she was attracted to-so her being able to flirt and act as if she were a socialite was confusing to her character.

4. Do the cultural elements seem forced in the storyline?
The Filipino cultural elements seem fine. The pop cultural elements seem forced. Making references to Vampire Diaries seems as if the author is just trying to entertain the reader by expressing his knowledge on pop culture. Teenagers are smarter than you think, and they are the experts on pop culture. Possibly having a teenager to reference phrases or tv shows might be a good idea.

5.Is Dorothy a relatable female protagonist? Do you think it's cool she's Filipino? Or do you think she should be of another ethnicity who finds Filipino culture interesting?
Dorothy and I have different social experiences and skills so I personally find her difficult to relate to, but she does have some relatable qualities. It's fine that she's Filipino, maybe adding some diversity would make the text more relatable.

6.Is Adrian compelling?
He used to seem very sexy, but when he turned into a mystic being and tried to get at Dorothy he lost some of his sex appeal.